so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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