Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
