A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
