I looked at my own cervix.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
