Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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