So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You're like the curious george of whores
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
