i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I fill condoms, not promises.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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