Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just found puke in my bra..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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