Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
