whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
