You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
