I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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