OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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