Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
