I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
