I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
