Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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