Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
