I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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