Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
No subtext here. People are naked.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
