remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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