Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
