My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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