Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
