you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We are all done wearing pants today
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
