No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
