This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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