just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
