There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
