Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
