Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize