I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
