Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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