The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
