I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
