I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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