I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
