I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
