Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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