I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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