..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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