Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
