if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
