I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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