He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
