i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My pussy is not your playground.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So apparently I’m into choking now
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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