fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
