just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
