You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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