Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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