I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
People in love make me want to vomit
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
