Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
