walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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