pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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