i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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