If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job