Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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