Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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