I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
‪I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse. ‬
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
