I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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