just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so let's talk penis.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
