I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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