singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
