I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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