Will you blow on my dice?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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