my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
