so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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