1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
