I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
