you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
