Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
