I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
