My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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